nostalgia

Why is it the feeling of nostalgia so liberating? Well, for me. It’s a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition. On periods of restlessness, I find myself looking into something that evokes nostalgia.

It liberates my emotions deeply buried in the deepest recesses of my heart, feeling of betrayal, of discontentment, of vengeance and of disappointment. The small sobs, a long lingering thought of the past and staring blankly of the good life surrounding me, allow me to freed the unbridled pain of the past.

Hahaha am actually referring to my high school life. This is the period of my life that I don't want to look back. But mind you, this is the same period that molded my values and the foundation of my being as a human. My high school days were spent only in the realm of academics, school activities, and comfort of home.

But now, I seem to miss my classmates. Looking into their friendster profile, they are everywhere, building their worth in the world. I have regretted that I did not participate in our HS reunion last December. Yeah, it's already a decade since we left the portals of the Notre Dame of Surala.

what's in my name?

My first entry in the states if i am coming from Road Town, Tortola, British Virgin Island is San Juan, Puerto, a US Commonwealth. As expected, you have to undergo the immigration protocol. They would ask your travel intinerary, your work, and other personal things. The procedure is quite rigid if it's your first entry in the states after being granted a visa.

Last February 21, i am again dealing this sort of personal interrogation with a US immigration officer. I don't have any bad experiences with them, it is always pleasant. It is just that there is always something unsual each time i am faced with them.

Here it goes:

Rommel: Hi. How are you?

Immigration Officer: I am good. and you?

Rommel: I am good. Thank you.

Immigration Officer: Oh. You're family name is Sofia. Do you know that Sofia is a capital of...

Rommel: Bulgaria. And it is also means wisdom in Ancient Greek.

Immigration Officer: Wow. You really knew about your family name. Your parents must be proud of you.

I am just smiling. He is checking my passport.

Immigration Officer: Your parents must be historians. Defensor. Rommel Defensor.

Rommel: Hahaha means defender. Do you remember the general who had tried to kill hitler? General Erwin Rommel? My name is like saying, General Rommel Defender of Wisdom

Immigration Officer: Wow. What a wonderful name! You should send my congratulations to your parents. They must be very proud of you, a refined and well-bred gentleman.

Rommel: I will. That is why I am going home. I am going to celebrate mny birthday in the Philippines.

Immigration Officer: Oh. Happy birthday. What do you do in British Virgin Islands.

Rommel: I am an accountant.

Immigration Officer: That is cool. Accountant.

I finished affixing my index fingers and a snap of my face.

Rommel: Whoa! I am done. Thank you so much.

Immigration Officer: Enjoy your vacation and happy birthday.

Whew.

this is life...

I am enjoying my stay in the province, my first couple of days as a 28th year old, and my blessed beautiful life. :)

I woke up as early as 4AM this morning, start my GMAT review on sentence correction and after an hour and a half of brain crunching, i have my morning jog. After 30 minutes jogging with my niece, i visited the tombs of my grandparents and relatives. It's been my routine every time i am home, i take time to visit them. Just a simple hi and hello.

During my jog, i really could not hide the happiness and contentment that i am enjoying. This is life! You'll wake early, have your 30 minutes jog, a quick shower, read the morning paper, and your breakfast.

You go to your office, just a 5 minute drive, and at the end of the day, you retire, in the comfort of home. You watch the news, have your dinner, a chit chat with your family, a good book to read before going to sleep.

I can't wait!!! I cant wait when i reach my 35 years of age. I am professionally satisfied, already earned the CFA designation, my MBA in INSEAD, and at the same time, i am finacially secured. I have my home, a farm, a summer/beach house, businesses, a couple of cars, and a satisfying work as a consultant. hahaha i have seven years to have all these to fulfill. And i want all these in the province. City life does not appeal to me. I find the tranquility of life in a rustic environment.

Oh! you might ask, how about my partner in life. Yeah, i plan to settle down at the age of 35.

these are just wishful thinking, why not?! if God is more than willing.

wow! I am 28...

My 27th year was very wonderful. And I have ended it on a flight going home. I woke up as early as 3AM To get ready myself for my 7AM flight going to the province, sa "bayan kong sinilangan (Timog Kutabato).

I have a restful 2 hour flight via Philippine Airlines, excited to celebrate my 28th birthday with my parents and the comfort of home. I spent the flight either answering my GMAT reviewer and chit chat with my seatmate.

Wow. I almost forgot, February 27 rin pala ang foundation day ng General Santos. Festive mood ang airport sa pagdating ko. Hahaha ANd my nanay was beaming nung makita ako. Hahaha natumba pa yung luggage, buti na lang nakita ako kaagad ng tatay ko and he help me out sa pagbitbit hanggang sa van.

While on the way going sa Surallah, binigay ko na sa nanay at tatay ko ang pasalubong kong watch i bought sa Japan. Ako yung me birthday and yet ako ang me regalo. Mabuti naman at nagustuhan nila, i bought them a simple swiss made Tissot.

I am deadtired. Me jetlag pa rin ako sa 2 day flight ko, despite spending three days sa manila. and my nanay keep on texting me about her surprise birthday party sa akin. hahaha my nanay does not fail to celebrate my birthday even I am not around. Taon taon talaga yan, pinaghahandaan nya, kahit saang sulok man ako ng Pilipinas o ng mundo. How much more pa na I am home!!! Andaming handa ng nanay ko at andami nya ring bisita. Hindi ako makapagpahinga. hahaha

Andito ako ngayon sa cafe, nag cheheck ng mga mails, at nag tatrabaho. hahaha the disadvantage of computer age. ANg bakasyon, me kasamang kunting work. hahahan I was feel elated sa mga messages, friendster comments, facebook mails, and greetings sa birthday ko. Grabe, nalulula ako sa charm ko. ANd I really appreciate it.

WHat are my plans for my 28th year?! CAreer ang focus ko ngayon. Wala muna sigurong lovelife. PEro pag me kumatok, why not. I just checked yung predictions ko for this year, I'll be working hard raw at disciplining myself this year. SIguro, super stick na talaga ako sa study schedules and review ko. INSEAD FRAnce/Singapore in Jan 2009!!! Yahoo!!! Pray for my GMAT exam this March 7 sa makati.

Promising din ang lovelife ko, sabi indication of getting engaged, married, the beginning of a significant new relationship, or the intensification of an existing romance. Wow! Sino kaya ang malas na taong eto?! Tingnan natin.

Pero very evident ang increase of responsibility, and career movements ko this year. We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

I got visits today.. and i am so happy

I always feel loved here in the virgin islands. It seems that everyone adores my craziness. Well, ganun talaga pag maganda. hahaha i sometimes wonder why do people like me.

But anyway, today, i got visits from friends. conversations over a cup of coffee. talking about anything, about life, about the beauty of the world. these sort of conversations i terribly miss. these reminds me of my friends back in the philippines. oh, they are now everywhere in the globe. Australia, Dubai, Singapore, United States. Indeed, the world has now become a global village.

Global village, another open discussion. probably, just for the privilege few. those nationals who need not have to secure visa when travelling, people belong to higher strata of society, individuals gifted of talents and intellect, professionals with superb credentials, and ordinary people who try to be different.

My two visits for day left an imprint from my bookshelves. i lent to them my two favorite books, "the alchemist" of paulo coelho and "tuesdays with morrie" of mitch albom.

The first book urges me to follow my dreams, and the second book, allows me to understand that life's complexities can be broken down into simple truths.

colds is so fast, it left me unguarded. good thing i have my music

Should I say, what a beautiful Saturday morning? I got colds. I just hope it won't lead to fever. I still have a lot of work to do and I only have three days left before my vacation holiday. Yes,five sleepless nights to go.

I am only having my ice cream time, after my tumultuous interaction with my GMAT review. I am now in reading comprehension. And again, it is a dismal. English really gives me headache. I suppose to start sentence correction, but i am getting disappointed with my brain, god, it's brain-dead. It seems that i didn't learn anything from my grade school english.

Last night, i was at the H. Lavity Stoutt Community College, the only college in the island, to watch the performance of Ahn Trio. It was an exhilirating experience, I would say, they did not fail to impress the audience. One of the best chamber music performance I've watched.

The Ahn Trio are three Korean American sisters who make up a classical piano trio. Their names are Angella (violin), Lucia (piano) and Maria (cello). Lucia and Maria are twins.

They were trained at Juilliard in New York. They achieved widespread recognition in the United States in 1987 when TIME Magazine featured them in a cover story about "Asian Whizz-kids". In 2003, they were selected by People Magazine as three of the "Most Beautiful People" and have been featured in Vogue, GQ and in ads for GAP and Anne Klein.

They have performed in Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, Hawaii, Singapore, Moscow, Seoul, Berea, Kentucky, Tennessee and Salt Lake City. (from wikipedia)

I really do not know what have come to my mind that now I am indulging myself into music. Love?! hahaha am i inlove? Most of my collections now are classical, i got a Sergej Rachmaninoff complete recordings, a couple of broadway CDs, a copy of few Horowitz performances, connected on classical crossover stations, etc. But i still love to listen to west life, hillsong united, michael learns to rock, and other Filipino artist.

I was with bing in the perfromance last night, and she has commented with my current choice of music. Good thing I have changed my preference. hahaha they've been used to know that i am into pop. gosh! Even gold was surprised to learn that i was into classical, even wayback in college.

However, i still prefer silence. Silence is still the best music for me. Just like now, I could heart the sound of the wind brushing in my window curtains, the crow of the rooster, little chit-chat of my neighbours, the palpitations of my heart, and silence.

Hey, i have to go back to my review now.

I am not eavesdropping

"Why is it you don't enjoy sex? You said you are gay. But how come you don't enjoy sex?" This got my attention in one of an intimate conversation with a good friend about his sexual escapade in the island. Read along his story.

Kring.kring.kring. No. it's not 1200 midnight. It is still 830, and I am leaving the party. It was a call from someone.

I immediately proceeded to the parking area after I bid my goodbye from the birthday host. She is pretty much aware why I had a Cinderella exit. I am meeting a French gentleman. When I arrived home, I hurriedly freshen up myself, brush my teeth, put on some perfume, and check the necessities - condoms, lube, etc.

When I am already in the vicinity of his hotel, I saw an old guy in the stairway and he seems to be waiting for someone. I have taken aback. Nah, I still proceeded going to the hotel, just to be sure he is indeed the French gentleman. While I am on the stairs, I keep on asking myself, should I go on or not? Alas, I decided to go home. I lost my excitement, I am a little disappointed. I called my friend to share my disappointment, but he is not answering the phone and as well as his wife's. I decided to text a message instead and when I am about to send the message, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Are you coming?"

"Yes. I am. Are you the guy on the stairs, the guy with the white hair?"

"Yes? No, I am not."

"Because I already went there and I saw an old guy waiting in the stairway. Was it you? How old are you? "

"No. It is not me. I am 38."

If he is 38 years old, then he is not that old guy I saw because that guy was around early 60s. I asked him to go out in his room and wait for me in the stairs.

I go back to the hotel, and to my surprise. Good heavens! He is extremely good looking. He is the same guy in the photo he sent to me. I was so excited. He let me come in his hotel room. It was nice spacious two beds room.

"Could I use the wash room? Please. I will just pee." I think I was inside the washroom for a couple of minutes. Nah, I am not nervous.

He had asked me to sit beside him. He is so sweet. He would caress me as we watch the TV together. Sorry, but I can't remember what's in the small screen, I was busy enjoying his sensual touches. He asked me about my work, how long I have been living in the island. He gradually told me about his work too, his family and as our talk got deeper, so as our clothes slowly leaving our body. He seems to like my body. He keep on touching it, sometime he would pinch my butt cheeks or my back. He would kiss my neck, nibble my bosom, he would said, "you have a very nice body. It is so smooth."

"Do you want me to mount you now?" He'd asked. I am very hesitant, he is too big. I know I can manage it but I am simply afraid. He had inserted his index finger, to loosen my anxiety. "Tell me, if it hurts you. "

He came in slowly. OMG. What's this feeling? I feel like I am going to excrete something. "Please don't. I think I can't manage it. Please." He did not insist.

"I am very sorry to disappoint you. I think I am still not ready on stuff like this. Could we just have talked? "

"OK. What do you like in a sex?"

"I don't like giving a head or being mounted. Could we just kiss each and touch each other?"

"Why is it you don't enjoy sex? You said you are gay. But how come you don't enjoy sex?"

My friend gave me a baffle look.

This make me come to think, Why, if you are gay, you are supposed to enjoy sex? Is homosexual purely revolved into sex? Is it possible that platonic love to exist in a gay relationship? I do not know the answer because I myself also prefer intellectual intercourse.